A Disappointing Realization and a Good Book

A Disappointing Realization.  For year I've had the custom of putting my sliced mushrooms on a plate of olive oil before broiling them with my steak. As I drained the cooled fat from the broiling pan after cooking my blade steaks and mushrooms a few days ago, it occurred to me — based on the color, the quantity, and the liquidity of said fat — that most of it must be olive oil that had come out of the mushrooms as they cooked. This means that I do not get to ingest most of that nutritious lipid in which I marinate the mushrooms. In future, instead of consigning it to the garbage pail, I'll have to devise ways of reserving it and consuming it (such as pouring it onto my baked potato) so as to gain the health benefits of this not inexpensive oil.


A Good Book.  I've finished reading Struggle Central, by Tom Zuniga, my guest last Sunday night. It's an easy read, certain to resonate with introverts, and perhaps useful for extroverts to help them understand how introverts often feel. Tom's struggle has some specifics that not all introverts share. In my case the major issue seems to have been fear/expectation of rejection. But Tom writes with deep insight into his own feelings, and with a realism that a life without struggle is not to be expected, but as we struggle we can also succeed. In his metaphor, there are peak experiences, at the mountaintop, when we have struggled to reach that summit, but they can't last. We descend into the valley and struggle some more.

I was in group therapy for four years. During that time I became increasingly aware of the program that played in my mind— the one that told me I had been rejected, that I was being rejected, that I was going to be rejected. Gradually I learned not to let that program run all the time, to realize that I'm usually accepted, that the things that felt like being rejected weren't always about me at all. It seems that Tom is aware of the program that runs in his mind and that lies at the base of many of his struggles over the past twenty-five years. That awareness makes it possible to refuse to be overcome by the self-doubts and feelings of inadequacy. It may take more years of struggle, but hopefully with increasing success. Although we're never struggle-free, they can be less overwhelming.

So I recommend the book for anyone who struggles with feelings of isolation or inadequacy, as well as for anyone who wants to understand what it's like to find interacting with others difficult. I got it through my local bookseller; it's also available online.

Tom's Visit

Fellow blogger and tweeter Thomas Mark Zuniga is about six months into his trek (#RunningTo) across the United States and much of Canada. He's been doing it by "couch surfing" and staying with friends. I became aware of him earlier this year, possibly via a retweet or blogpost from Gabriel Blanchard. He seemed an interesting and pleasant person, so I've been following him on Twitter, and I offered to host him if he came to the Boston area. After spending a day or so in Maine, he arrived here about 7:30 p.m. Sunday evening.

My brother was here as well. When I had told him Tom would be here, he thought he would not stay, but he subsequently decided that he would stay here as well. I did some tidying up, so the house was minimally presentable. That Sunday was the Feast of Christ the King in the Catholic calendar, so it merited special food. Tom had agreed to have lobster.

When Tom arrived I had just begun dinner preparations: beginning to heat the water for the lobsters and corn (what you call maize), and putting salad greens in bowls. Tom cut up a tomato, while I began to prepare some crackers and cheese (Brie and Port Salut). In the living room, Tom had some cranberry apple juice, Jim, his usual beer, and I my usual manhattan. We talked mostly about where to park (subway station garage) and what to see in Boston (I recommended Beacon Hill and the Freedom Trail). I gave Tom an official Boston and Cambridge Visitors' Guide. Tom helped shuck the corn. At dinner, we talked about eating lobster, visiting Boston, and Jim and I shared a number of family stories. I hope it was entertaining. If not, at least Tom was polite. When my manhattan was gone, I went for a beer, and Tom decided to try one too. We each had a Spencer Trappist Ale (the only Trappist ale brewed in the United States). He liked it. It's fairly full-bodied, and not bitter. Dessert was coffee ice-cream and cookies.

After dinner, Tom autographed my copy of his book, Struggle Central, which I had just gotten through my local bookseller on Friday. Tom has blogged about it. Although I'm only beginning to read it now, I expect it to be very good

This morning, I got some specific information from the MBTA about fares and parking facilities, which I printed out. I also attached little post-its at places in the Visitors' Guide that I thought would be useful. At breakfast, Tom talked about how he's been able to play for the trip so far, and his plans for the remainder of the trip.

It would have been pleasant for me if Tom could have stayed a day or two longer. I'd have liked to show him around my home town and some of the surrounding area. That was not possible. Tom already had plans to stay overnight Monday with a friend in Cambridge. Then he wanted to see Worcester and Providence (I recommended taking a look at Newport), before heading to Philadelphia for Thanksgiving with his family. Beyond that, even if there had been more time, I've realized that Tom prefers to see places on his own. That's what he's been doing for six months, and that's what he wanted to do in Boston. He'd be happy to have suggestions, but I think he'd rather not have me alongside talking a blue streak about what everything was, and how I had once done something here and something else there.

So he headed off shortly before 9:30, and I trust he's finding enough points of interest in Boston to fill his day. He was a good guest, and I hope my hospitality was satisfactory. Edited to add: I had been planning to suggest that he make himself a sandwich or two to take along for lunch, but it slipped my mind. Hospitality fail.