Ash Wednesday

It’s Ash Wednesday. In my parish we offered four chances for people to come to church to get ashes. There were Masses at 7:30 and 9:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. There was also a period from 3:00 t0 3:30 p.m where people could just come in and have the ashes placed on their foreheads.

It has always been a time of preparation for Easter. In early centuries Easter was not just the annual celebration of the resurrection of Jesus. It was also the time when the bishop administered two sacraments: Baptism and Reconciliation. So there were special forms of preparation for those who were about to enter the Church — catechumens — and those who were estranged from the Church by serious public sin — penitents.

Forms of preparation developed over time and in different places, and ordinary members of the Church alsoprepared for the great celebration of Easter. Daytime fasting (with a meal in the evening) for a five or six days a week to a total of forty days became widespread. Over the centuries, the Western church relaxed the rules to the point that now in the United States (I don’t know about other countries) all that is required is that people over 14 not eat meat on Ash Wednesday and the Fridays of Lent and that those between 18 and 60 only eat one full meal and no more than two smaller meals — with no eating between meals — on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

This “fast” is so attenuated that people who are serious about making Lent something special often want to do more that the required minimum. They might choose to eliminate meat from other meals, to limit the size of their meals, and/or to avoid eating between meals Monday through Saturday. Some people choose to give up something else, such as smoking, candy, alcohol, etc. Some take their cue from today’s gospel (Matthew 6:1-8, 16-18) and make Lent a time of increased prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. Many writers say that, above all, Lent should be a time when we seek the grace to overcome sinful habits — not to return to them at Easter like good things we give up — but to leave them behind permanently.

One element of Lent is a focus, especially on Fridays and toward the end of the season, on the fact that the resurrection we celebrate at Easter is Jesus’ triumph over death and the sufferings he had to endure in his Passion. So we are encouraged to meditate on the price he paid for our redemption and to see whatever discomforts we endure as sharing in some small way in his saving action. We unite ourselves with him in our intention.

A piece of advice I have seen in several places is to be flexible and not to become discouraged. If we are doing something for Lent, and one day we slip up, we don’t have to give up immediately. We can start again the next day. On the other hand, if it becomes obvious after a while that what we decided was unrealistic, we can and should make an adjustment, and choose a program we’ll actually be able to follow. On the other hand, we could even decide that we can do more than we had planned at first. So we might as well give it a try.

Have a good Lent

2018/02/18 & 25 — 1st & 2nd Sundays of Lent — Year B

First Sunday – February 18

First Reading — Genesis 9:8-15
Second Reading — 1 Peter 3:18-22
Gospel — Mark 1:12-15

Every year, the gospel for the first Sunday of Lent tells of Jesus' forty days of fasting in the desert and  his temptations. The current year, Year B, features the Gospel of Mark, and Mark's account gives none of the details of the temptations we hear of in Matthew and Luke. This gives a chance for us to hear a bit of the context going forward, namely, the beginning of his public ministry: proclaiming the gospel of the Kingdom of God. The verses preceding this selection tell of Jesus' baptism by John, and that provides a connection to the second reading, which in turn connects with the first.

The three "synoptic gospels" — Matthew, Mark, and Luke — record the same sequence of events: Jesus is baptized, anointed by the Holy Spirit, and proclaimed God's son; Jesus undertakes a 40 day period of fasting and prayer in the desert, during which he undergoes temptation; Jesus begins his public ministry. (John gives us the baptism and inauguration of the ministry, but doesn't mention the desert.) This has significance for our lives. Most obviously, we have entered on a period of forty days of prayer and fasting (and almsgiving). It is a time of preparation for Easter, which is the time for adults to be baptized and begin their ministry as members of the Body of Christ, proclaiming the Kingdom of God. For those already baptized, Easter is a time for renewing our baptismal commitment to proclaim God's Kingdom by our lives, in our circumstances; and Lent is when we prepare to reinvigorate our lives of witness to the gospel, overcoming temptation and opening ourselves to the Holy Spirit through our Lenten practices of a more intense living of lives based on faith.

In the second reading, Peter sets baptism in the context of Jesus' death and resurrection, the saving act which is the culmination of the ministry which began after his baptism. Baptism incorporates the believer into this saving act of Jesus, in effect making him or her a sharer in that act, a recipient of its benefits. The water of the flood destroyed the sinfulness of the world in the time of Noah, just as baptism takes away our sins and puts us in a covenant relationship with God.


Second Sunday – February 25

First Reading — Genesis 22:1-2, 9a, 10-13, 15-18
Second Reading — Romans 8:31b-34
Gospel — Mark 9:2-10

The gospel for the second Sunday of Lent presents an account of the transfiguration of Jesus — this year from Mark. First though, we hear the harrowing account of Abraham and the uncompleted sacrifice of Isaac. (For the people of ancient Israel, this was at least an implicit rejection of the practice of human sacrifice.) Some of the detail* is omitted from the reading, to concentrate on the essentials. We hear of Abraham's obedience to God, and God's promises in response to Abraham's faithfulness. God spares Abraham's son, but, as Paul points out, he does not spare his own son. That sacrifice acquits us of our sins.
* Isaac carries the wood for the sacrifice, making him a "type," a prefiguring, of Jesus, who carried the wood of his cross to the hill of sacrifice. In response to Isaac's question, "Where is the lamb for the sacrifice?" Abraham promises that God will provide, which he dies.

Paul tells us that Jesus not only died but was raised for us and is at the right hand of the Father. The transfiguration gives the apostles a vision of Jesus in the glory of his resurrection. The presence of Moses and Elijah — representing the Law and the Prophets — shows the continuity of the revelation of the Old and New Testaments. Jesus fulfills that revelation.

The voice from the cloud repeats the proclamation that was made at Jesus' baptism: he is God's son. This resonates with the baptismal facet of Lent. As a result of our baptism, we have the promise of a like glory when we are resurrected. The Jews of Jesus' time knew that there would be a resurrection at the end of time, but they didn't expect anybody to rise before that general resurrection. Jesus' resurrection promises ours.

Our baptism makes us spiritual descendants of Abraham, so that in us, along with the Jews, "all the nations of the earth shall find blessing."

2016/07/17&24 — 16th & 17th Sundays in Ordinary Time — Year C

Sorry: I got way behind in my posting, but I want to say a little about the past two Sundays' readings before I do what I hope will be a normal post about next Sunday's.

July 17 — 16th Sunday in Ordinary Time.

The central theme of the readings seems to be hospitality. The first reading — Genesis 18:1-10a — tells of Abraham extending hospitality to three men (angels or apparitions of God) who approach his tent. He treats them lavishly, and at the end of the passage, one of them promises him that his wife Sarah, will have a son by the same time next year. Hospitality was considered an obligation in that culture. In Christian thought, given the developments in the continuation of the story, the three visitors are seen as an adumbration of the Trinity: God, investigating Sodom and Gomorrah, appears not as one man, but as three. In the gospel — Luke 10:38-42 — Martha busies herself providing lavish hospitality for Jesus. He tells her, in effect, that she's overdoing it, and that listening to his teaching is better than excessive work.

I see three aspects to the teaching on hospitality. First, we need to offer hospitality to those who need it: "I was a stranger and you welcomed me." Matthew 24:35 Second, Jesus wants us to receive him, to welcome him, by hearing his teaching and being his disciples. Third, Jesus gives us his hospitality, feeding us his body and blood to give us eternal life in his home.

The second reading — Colossians 1:24-28 — is a dazzling sequence of thoughts about Paul's work and God's plan for our salvation. His sufferings (and by implication ours as well) can somehow complete Christ's for the sake of the Church. God is extending salvation to the Gentiles.


July 24 — 17th Sunday in Ordinary Time.

Today, the theme of the first reading and the gospel is prayer. The gospel — Luke 11:1-13 — presents Jesus' teaching on prayer. First he gives the Our Father as a model of prayer. Then he presents a parable about persistence in prayer. God wants us to persevere in our prayers. Jesus assures us that our prayers will be answered by God giving us good things. He does not give us the equivalent of a snake when we ask for a fish nor a scorpion instead of the egg we ask for. Specifically, he will give us the Holy Spirit. I'd also note, although it's only implied in Jesus' words, that the Father also doesn't give us bad (for us) things even if we wan them. He'll give us a fish if we ask for a snake, and an egg when we unwisely want a scorpion. He knows better than we do what it is we really need.

In the first reading — Genesis 18:20-32 — the story of Abraham and his visitors resumes. God reveals his intentions toward Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham's intercession on their behalf is an example of the importance of prayer. God's "threats" are better understood as warnings of what will happen if people do not heed what God says. Although the men of the two cities do not reform, Abraham (like Paul last week filling up what is lacking in Christ's sufferings) through his persistent prayer gains a significant reprieve for them.

The second reading — Colossians 2:12-14 — tells us that baptism makes us sharers in Jesus' burial and  resurrection. It applies Jesus' saving action to us, so that our sins are cancelled. We now live with his life.

Ash Wednesday

The beginning of Lent is generally known in English as Ash Wednesday (which is a good translation of its Latin name: feria quarta in cineres). It takes its name from the custom of putting ashes on the heads of the faithful.


Ashes.  Putting ashes on one's head or sitting or lying in them (often accompanied by the wearing of sackcloth) was a customary way of expressing grief recorded in the Old Testament. See, for example, 2 Samuel 13:19; Esther 4:1; Job 42:6; Isaiah 61:3; Jeremiah 6:26; Jonah 3:6.

Lent began as a time for catechumens' immediate preparation for baptism at Easter. Soon it also became a time of penitential preparation for the reconciliation of notorious sinners with the Church, which would also take place at Easter. The bishop would put ashes on the heads of the penitents as  they began this season.

Over the course of centuries the public reconciliation of penitents morphed into the private reconciliation of sinners. Concurrently, the public penance of sinners in preparation for reconciliation at Easter became the preparation of all (who are all sinners) for Easter; and the ashes of the penitents became available for all as a sign of sorrow for sin.

It is worth noting that with this history and significance of the ashes, wearing ashes on Ash Wednesday does not violate Jesus' precept in Matthew 6:16-18. The ashes do not say we are fasting; they say we are repentant sinners.


Scriptures.  The readings for today's Mass approach Lent under different aspects. The first reading — Joel 2:12-18 — has a community aspect to it. The Lord calls for the wayward community to engage in a collective act of penance: fasting and assembling (with no exceptions) to pray for mercy. God is sure to be merciful to the people that turns to him in that way. The psalm refrain, "Be merciful,  O Lord, for we have sinned," continues the community vision, but the actual verses — Ps 51:3-4, 5-6ab, 12-13, 14 & 17 — are the words of an individual penitent. We acknowledge that our personal guilt is an element of the community's.

The second reading — 2 Corinthians 5:20-6:2 — looks not at sin itself but at reconciliation with God. Lent is a day of salvation, a  time of grace, when we can come to participate in Christ's divine righteousness because he has taken on our sin, removing the obstacle between us and God.

Finally, in the gospel — Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18 — Jesus warns us against the hypocrisy of doing good things just for the sake of winning admiration from others. (The omitted verses are the ones where he gives the Our Father as the model of prayer.) Note that he doesn't say "If you give alms … pray … fast," but "When you give alms, pray, fast." These three things must be part of every Christian's life, and not just for Lent; but the Church considers them the primary disciplines of Lent. In other words, we are to do them more intensively and more intentionally during Lent. We should give alms more. This can include acts of kindness and supplying the needs of others even beyond things of monetary; we can help by giving of our time and our talents. We should deepen our life of prayer, adding maybe a few minutes of prayer or Bible reading to our daily routine. Fasting is what creates the idea of "giving something up for Lent." It has value in reasserting that we are in charge of our appetites; it says that we don't absolutely need these things; it says God is more important than these things which we enjoy; and what we save by not buying the things we give up can and should become part of our almsgiving — the fast isn't so we can spend on ourselves in some other way.

2015/10/11 — 28th Sunday in Ordinary Time

Today we are reminded to put nothing ahead of God in our lives, because God is the giver of all true goods. God, in Jesus, always invites us to follow him.

The gospel — Mark10:17-30 — tells us one more time that we should not be attached to our possessions. Regrettably, the rich young man doesn’t accept Jesus’ invitation to sell all, give to the poor, and follow him. This is not an invitation which is given to all: it was given to a particular individual in a particular situation, but it is still an invitation worth thinking about.

If Jesus isn’t commanding all of us to sell all we have and give to the poor so we can be his disciples, what does this event mean. Why does he say it’s difficult for the rich to enter the kingdom of God? I think it’s because it’s easy to become attached to our possessions to the point that they take first place in our lives. Love of God and love of neighbor — with all they imply — should come first. I need to ask myself always how selfish I am.

The young man serves as an example of excessive attachment to possessions, but even those who are not rich can be excessively attached to what they have or excessively concerned about getting more, beyond the true necessities of life. So Jesus says it’s hard for the wealthy to enter the kingdom of God, but then he expands it to say simply that it is hard to enter the kingdom. In fact, it’s so hard to get into the kingdom that we can’t do it.

“For human beings it is impossible, but not for God. All things are possible for God.” Nobody gets into the kingdom of God on his own power. That’s why we need Jesus. What’s impossible for us by ourselves is possible with Jesus, when we have faith in him as our savior, when we follow him.

The first reading — Wisdom 7:7-11 — is presented as the words of King Solomon. He has the right idea. He doesn’t pray for power or wealth. He prays for wisdom, which is an attribute of God, a direct gift of God, a grace from God. We should pray as he did: not for power or riches, but for whatever graces we need to draw closer to others and to God.

        The responsorial psalm — Ps 90:12-17 — reminds us of the variable course of our lives and leads us to pray for God's gracious blessing in all circumstances.

Our second reading — Hebrews 4:12-13 — reminds us that God sees into our very being. We can ask him to let us see ourselves as he sees us. We can ask for the wisdom to know how we can cooperate even more with his grace. We may all already be cooperating with God’s grace, but none of us is perfect, so we should ask for the wisdom to know what can improve in us and in our behavior.


        We all have a personal invitation from Jesus — something that will help us follow him better, become better people. Should we be more generous and hospitable with what we have? Should be less critical of others or compliment them more? Should we be more available to people who need to talk to us or spend time with us? Should we work harder, or should we work less? Should we spend less time watching TV or on other entertainment and more time doing something useful? Is there something else in our lives that takes us away from love of God or active love of neighbor? Should we spend more quiet time in prayer? Those are a few examples of things that could be an invitation from Jesus. We can ask God to show us our personal invitation.

     Jesus is always inviting is to follow him more closely, in our sorrows, and in our joys, in good times and bad. The specifics of the invitation my change as we change and as times change. The invitation may seem easy or hard. It may be something that will take time, even a long time. But we shouldn't be like the young man and go away sad. We shouldn't get discouraged. Instead, let’s ask him to help us by giving us the strength we need to accept his invitation.

Retreat — March 2011 — No. 7: Results

Note: My previous posts on this topic can be easily accessed by clicking on the label "retreat" at the bottom of this post.


The "health scare" I mentioned in my previous post about the retreat interrupted the daily routine I had established. So there was no smooth carryover into my home life. Clearly, I would have had to adapt things because I'd need to shop, prepare meals, and engage in all the other things that are part of my everyday life, while making room for more time in prayer. But in reality, in the weeks immediately after my return from the retreat, there was no perceptible difference from how I had been doing before I went on the retreat. Gradually, however, there have been changes.

One thing that was very important, I think, was to create a prayer room in the tiny sewing room upstairs. This was made possible when my nephew took the futon which he had used on visits before the front bedroom became available. I brought in prayer books, a Bible, and some other books for spiritual reading. With that, I have begun to do some Bible reading after I finish my morning prayer. I am reading the book of Isaiah. When I do my evening prayer at a reasonable hour, I follow it with some spiritual reading. Right now I'm slowly going through Henri Nouwen's Can You Drink the Cup? I'd like to do more — read Pope Benedict's two volume Jesus of Nazareth, spend more time reflecting prayerfully on the things I'm already reading, follow the formats from retreat for "behold" and "Bringing Feelings to Prayer." But wile there is still progress to be made, I know that I have made progress, and I hope to continue to do so.

The other area that both my retreat director and my regular spiritual director have encouraged me to work on is what might be called my social life. If these seems a bit unrelated to spirituality, love of others, which is one of the basic commandments, normally is practiced through contact with them. Here again, there has perhaps been less progress then one could have dreamed of, but there has been progress. There have been my night at the opera, pleasant day, and pleasant evening with Zack. When he had to come to this area for his friend's memorial service, I had the nerve to invite him to stay overnight with me, which I might not have quite dared to — "What will the neighbors think?" — without the encouragement I had received. There is also a reconnection with my college classmates, which began with a lunch with one of them and will continue on Friday with dinner with him and another and their wives. I've taken a couple of little steps toward developing a friendship with a member of the yacht club Race Committee who seems to like my company. And finally, I've reconnected with a priest who used to be in my parish. We really hit it off when he was here, and we'd go to dinner every month for a couple of years after he was assigned to another parish. Eventually the dinners petered out, but I called last week, and we'll be getting together in December. I'll try to remember to ask if he likes opera. I've started going to the theater broadcasts of the Metropolitan opera since we were in regular contact, and they could furnish a good occasion for getting together (except he's not always free on Saturday afternoons or Wednesday evenings). At this point I'm not out to any of these guys except Zack, but I'd like to be out to at least the priest and the classmates. OTOH, I'm not ready just to draw a deep breathe and say, "Guess what? I'm homosexual." It's more a matter of trying to steer the conversation to a point where it becomes the question they ask or the logical next thing for me to say.

So, unlike my first retreat, which ultimately didn't seem to have any permanent effect, the one last March seems to have set me in a good direction both for prayer and for developing personal relationships.

Retreat — March 2011 —No. 5: Praying and Other Activity

     The material which the retreat house provides suggests that retreatants should have several sessions of prayer each day, each one lasting up to 45 minutes. There should also be time for relaxation, in addition to meals.

     Early on, I told my director that in my experience, after about 10 minutes my mind would begin to wander. He indicated that I should not try to force myself to do more than I realistically could. But reflecting prayerfully on the scripture passages he had suggested and using the format he had supplied for "bringing feelings to prayer," I actually found myself in prayer for up to 40 minutes at a time without major distractions.

     For relaxation, I had brought a book of sudoku puzzles and one of ken-ken. I'd spend maybe a half-hour on those several times a day. I also had a couple of more serious books, unPlanned, by Abby Johnson (which I finished while I was there), and The Cost of Discipleship, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which at first I thought might be too discouraging. But after finishing the other book, I decided to give it a try. I had already begun it. Even so, I was surprised to find that it was actually encouraging, not in the sense of suggesting that everything was fine with me, but in saying that what I was trying to do was worth the effort.

     The weather was fairly chilly, so I didn't take a lot of walks, but I did a few. It felt good to get back indoors. One day I took a walk through the surrounding neighborhood. It is an area with large houses on large lots. Many of the houses look like the sort of thing that was built before World War II, and the area is reminiscent of the area where I grew up. When I was walking in this neighborhood in December 2009, on my first retreat, I was suddenly filled with a feeling of horror, or dread, as if it were an evil place. But this year, no such feeling came to me as I walked down the same street. I'm still at a loss to explain the earlier reaction. The only thought I have is that when I was a boy, I felt somehow excluded or unwelcome in much of my neighborhood. Of course, when you don't know the people who live in a house, it's only natural not to feel invited in, but maybe that had particular overtones in my childish mind.

     I usually spent an hour or so in the Fireplace Room in the evening. By the time I got there, the fire was usually going well, and as it died down, people would drift away. I enjoyed moving the logs around to make it flame up again. I'd usuall be able to revive it two or three times before it was reduced to glowing embers, and I was always the last to leave, I think. sometime around 10:00 p.m.

     As the end of the retreat approached, I felt that it had been quite worthwhile, and I expected to be able to apply my newfound aptitude to prayer to my everyday life.

Retreat — March 2011 —No. 3

Just a brief reminder: In the first two posts of this series, I told of arriving at the retreat house on the evening of Wednesday, March 23, meeting my director that evening, gaining some insights from praying some psalm verses, and meeting with my director Thursday morning. At that time he gave me the guides for prayer — which I copied in my recent post on the retreat — and suggested some scripture passages for me to read prayerfully. You can find my earlier posts on this retreat as well as the one in December, 2009, by clicking the topic "retreat" in the list in the left margin. The quotes in this post and the previous one come from the journal I kept during the retreat.

     After my meeting Thursday morning with my director, I noted that "it has been about me — making myself perfect." Theologically, the main problem with this is that we can't make ourselves perfect by ourselves. Whatever degree of perfection we attain is a gift from God. What we do is merely to accept and cooperate with his grace. Beyond that, in my case that desire for perfection was in fact a desire to be better than everybody else, and a belief that I could be — pride.

     That afternoon, in my "examen," asking where God was that morning, I saw that he showed me myself in the Psalm, he encouraged me through my director, and he gave me the beauty of the snow that had fallen.

     Later in the afternoon, bringing feelings to prayer, I felt "secure, having come in from the cold, hopeful after [my director's] encouragement, anxious about" my duties and responsibilities which I had left behind at home.

     In the evening I felt "neutral, blah, empty, lonely, longing" and I felt that these feelings were "not good." I was "discontented" with them. I wanted "friendship," with one of my fellow retreatants as an object. I was basically "pleased" that I wanted friendship but "ambivalent" as well. I thought I was like "a pressurized container." As for God, he feels "sympathetic;" sees me as "lost, emotionally pitiable;" looks at me "tenderly, compassionately; he is "right [there], but I [didn't] quite feel it." Finally, asking myself what I wanted, I answered, "friends, human affection."

     The following morning, Friday, March 25 (the Feast of the Annunciation in the church calendar, when the angel told Mary that she would be the mother of the Messiah), I brought my feelings to prayer again, using my director's guide. This time I felt "anxious because not measuring up to God's call;" I wanted a fruitful life of service to God and the gospel; and I saw myself as being like "a car stuck in the snow — spinning wheels & going nowhere." I thought God felt "sad that I [didn't] trust him more, pleased with my desire, and bemused because I keep ignoring his calls [and procrastinate]."

     These moments of prayer  were what I brought to my director Friday morning.

Retreat — March 2011 —No. 2

The scripture passages suggested by the director were Isaiah 30:19-21 (the text of which he printed on the sheet he gave us), or Psalm 63:1-4, Isaiah 55:1-6, Philippians 1:3-9, "or choose one of your favorite passages." Then came the two questions and the suggestion about paying attention to feelings and desires.

I chose Psalm 63:1-4.
"A psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah.
O God, you are my God — for you I long!
For you my body yearns; for you my soul thirsts,
Like a land parched, lifeless, and without water.
So I look to you in the sanctuary to see your power and glory.
For your love is better than life; my lips offer you worship!"

Answering the question, "What happened in [my] prayer?" I wrote, "I realized I really do want God, my attempt at prayer is genuine, and that God's love is 'steadfast'  I promise to keep on worshipping God." And in response to "How do I feel about it?" I said, "i feel reassured."

The next morning, during Morning Prayer, I prayed Psalm 80, which asks God to restore his people and uses the image of a vine which God transplanted from Egypt but which has now been broken down. I had always taken this in the obvious sense of referring to the troubles which beset God's people, the Church. But that morning I suddenly referred it to myself personally and thought,"I am the vine which has been broken and trampled*, which needs to be restored
*by wasting time, increasingly on sexually attractive imagery over the internet"
In other words, and more fully, my sins break me down, destroy the interior beauty and fruitfulness of life which God plans for me.
Next I came to Isaiah 12:1-6, which reassured me that God does promise [me] salvation. The image of water from the fountain of salvation is a symbol of the Holy Spirit.
And then Psalm 81, about rejoicing in the Lord, came as a call to fidelity.

I presented these thoughts to my director at our meeting that morning, and as we came to toward the end of it, he gave me two more sheets, one titled "Bringing Feelings to Prayer," and the other, "Behold."

"Bringing Feelings to Prayer" says:

Bringing Feelings to Prayer

• What am I really feeling?
• How do I feel about what I am feeling?
• What do I really want?
• How do I feel about what I want?
• What am I like right now?
• How do I feel about what I am like?

Notice God:

• What is God's attitude and feeling about:
• what I am feeling?
• what I am trying to do?
• what I want?
• what I am like?
• How does God see me at this very moment?
• How is God looking at me?
• How close is God right now?

Notice Myself Again:

• What do I want of God?
• Can I … Will I … ask for what I want?

Stay with the questions. Perhaps repeat them and allow them to become more and more concrete.

From Jean Gill from Presence: The Journal of Spiritual Directors International Volume 3, No. 1, January 1997

And "Behold" says:

Behold

Part 1:

Before every prayer, I petition that God behold me. I pray, "that you, O God, see me, feel me, hear me, and know what I am feeling." or "You, O Lord, know what is going on with me. I'm in your presence. Know what has happened with me today." I let God gaze upon me – in wonder and honor.

This is not that I perceive or feel God, but simply that God sees me, feels me, beholds me. It is like Psalm 139.

At this time: I present my feelings (positive and negative, the whole gamut of feelings) and just ask God to see me as I am.

Part 2:

If you, O God, behold me, give me the grace to behold you. Let me see you. Give me that grace.

Examen: twice a day

Where were you, O God this (morning) (afternoon) of my life?

The review of this period is like giving the TV clicker (remote control) over to God. God (Christ) has it and is in control. Give God some time to tell you about his presence. The grace is to see God's presence to you.

When I met with my regular spiritual director a couple of weeks after the retreat, I showed him these two papers, and he liked them so much that he made copies for himself — to use with other directees, I suppose.

BTW, when "Behold" says to do the Examen twice a day, I think that is meant for the duration of the retreat. I think for normal use it's enough to ask God where he was today. Not that there's anything wrong with reflecting on it more frequently.

My meeting with my retreat director ended with his suggesting three more passages for me to bring to prayer — Romans 8:18-30, Matthew 6:25-34, and Matthew 11:25-30. He also suggested that I should be gentle with myself in prayer and let God spoil me with his goodness and let the Spirit take me where the Spirit wants me to go.

Retreat — March 2011 —No. 1

     My spiritual director suggested last summer that I should go on another 8-day directed retreat similar to the one I had made in December, 2009. Hoping for nicer weather, I signed up for one from March 23-31, 2011. Being closer in time to it, I can probably provide a bit more detail about what it was like than I did with the first one.

     I went to the same retreat house, but had a different director. I posted some photos from the earlier retreat here. This time my room wasn't in the dormitory wing, but in the main house, in a wing which does not show in any of the pictures, but it was about as spartan as the one in the dormitory wing from 2009. My daily routine was similar to what I described under that heading in this post about 2009. In other words, retire around 11:00, rise between 6:00 and 6:30, breakfast at 7:00, meet with director at 10:30, lunch at noon, Mass at 5:00, dinner at 6:00.

     As was the case in 2009, the retreatants and directors gathered in the "Fireplace Room" after dinner for introductions and orientation. The one who was in charge explained the daily routine. One thing she said was that the first part of daily Mass (liturgy of the Word) would be in that room, then we would go to the central foyer for the liturgy of the Eucharist, and after Communion we would come back to our own seats in the fireplace room for the conclusion of the Mass. Afterwards, when the other directors were introducing themselves, one of them, Fr. Paul Sullivan, S.J. said that the remark about returning to our own seats reminded him of an incident when he was a young priest serving at Cheverus High School in Portland, Maine. One morning at breakfast, one of the priests got up to make himself some toast, leaving his unfinished breakfast behind. An old Jesuit arrived, saw the food on the table, sat down, ate it, got up, and went out of the room. Then the priest whose meal it was returned with his toast, saw the empty dishes, and said, "What the hell!??"

     Each director was assigned four or five retreatants; my director had four of us. We happened to have the same meeting room as I had had the previous time, and again I happened to have 10:30 as my time to meet with him. He gave us all a sheet listing some scripture passages, and said each of us should chose one and focus on it in our prayer between than and our first meeting with him the next day. We should think about two questions: "What happened in prayer (2 or 3 lines)," and"How do I feel about it?" He told us to pay attention to our feelings and desires.

Retreat — December 2009, cont'd.

In the introductory meeting with my retreat director, Sister Barbara, she suggested that I and the others she was directing should try, during the retreat, to be in the presence of the loving God. (Good advice for anytime.) The next morning, she suggested that I begin reading the Gospel of Mark as a way of becoming acquainted with Jesus — that I should pay careful attention to what he does, says, finds important, feels, notices — and that I should pray for the grace to know, love, and follow him.

By the end of the retreat, I had got as far as Mark 9:1. I noticed him praying, calling followers preaching, calling sinners, healing, protecting his followers, being down to earth, angry with those who refused to listen and opposed his message of God's love.

She also suggested some other passages, from Luke, for me to read and reflect on.

At one point I mentioned a particular person who I felt had undermined me at an important point in my life and who had recently died. Sr. Barbara suggested something she called a "wisdom dialogue," in which I say what bothered me and try to imagine how he would respond. It would be a dialogue aiming at some sort of mutual understanding. I think it is a strategy for what other people call "healing of memory." And I guess it worked, because the incident no longer bothers me as it used to, and I no longer feel as upset with him as I used to.

In prayer times, I occasionally tried to have similar conversations with Jesus. I'm not sure how accurate every word that I thought he would say is as an expression of his thinking. There were some good points, though. At one point the scary questions occurred to me, "Have I given my life to you, Lord, or have I been living for myself all along? Do I really want to be with you?"

There was a question also of feeling God's presence, versus realizing God's presence. I had been operating under the assumption that I was supposed to have some kind of special feeling, but I came to realize that God's presence is a reality regardless of emotion. This is important, because it tells me I can be truly praying even if I don't have some special feeling of God's nearness at that moment. I don't have to consider that I'm not praying.

All in all, I'd say that the retreat was worthwhile, that I got some good ideas about how to pray. Unfortunately, when I got back home, within a couple of days I was back into my old pattern of daily life, where I didn't set aside a block or blocks of time for the sort of Bible reading and prayer that I had been doing. Obviously, I had to be doing other things most of the day, but a half hour would do — only I didn't plan my days, and so I never (or rarely) made the time to do it. Avoidance is so easy.

Perhaps we can say it was a good foundation that I failed to build on.

Retreat Report & Photos

     The retreat went pretty well. As I said beforehand, I had wanted to strengthen my prayer life. Every "retreatant" was assigned a director. Each director had 4 or 5 retreatants to direct.I told mine what I was hoping for, and she did a good job of suggesting scripture passages for me to read and think about and pray over. So I think I ended up better off than I had started.

     Apart from meals and daily mass and our meetings with our directors, our days were pretty unstructured. So we could pray when we were ready, and relax when we wanted. Two of the days were nice enough for extended walks, and some of the neighborhood where I walked reminded me of the area where I grew up — large houses with extensive grounds.

     I found that I went to bed much earlier than I do at home — between 9:00 and 11:00 — and got up by 6:00 instead of 7:30.Obviously, with so much time, and so little else to do, I spent much more time praying and reading scripture that I could possibly do at home, but I find I am doing more now than I did before the retreat. So, so far so good.

     Here are some pictures.

The main house at dawn, as seen from my room.

The dormitory wing, where I stayed. My room is on the first floor. There are two near the middle with the curtain open. Mine is the one on the right.

Central portion of main building. In the middle of the second floor level is a sundial, with a legend at the top that reads, "Carpe Diem." The wall in the foreground really is curved — it's not some sort of illusion.

"Fireplace room." It occupies the ground floor of the wing nearer the dormitory. Above the fireplace is a copy of the "Old Testament Trinity" icon by Rublev — showing the three angels who visited Abraham. The first part of daily Mass and the conclusion took place in this room. The doors open into the glassed in one-story conservatory area visible in the picture from my room.

Central foyer. The liturgy of the Eucharist took place around the table. The bread and wine were offered and consecrated, and the people received Communion. We then went back to the fireplace room for the concluding prayer and blessing. You can see the advent wreath (suspended from the ceiling).

Blessed Sacrament Chapel, in the other wing of the main building.

My room.

My room.

Sunrise.

Niles Pond, which separates Eastern Point from East Gloucester. A narrow strip of land on each side of the pond separates it from Gloucester Harbor to the west and the Atlantic Ocean to the east. The retreat house is on Eastern Point. This view is toward East Gloucester. There is some ice on the pond in the middle foreground.

Retreat

     Last spring my spiritual director recommended I take a directed retreat. Here's how the website of one retreat house describes it.

     The directed retreat focuses on an individual’s experience of God at a given time in their faith-journey.  The length of time given to this kind of retreat varies, from six days to 30 days.

Central to this retreat is the role of the director who meets with the retreatant, usually daily.  Retreatants talk over with their director what is happening as they seek to open themselves to God and become sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit deep in their hearts.  The director offers material and suggestions for the follow day’s prayer.

Although the entire day can be considered a time of prayer, the day itself is best divided into certain periods of formal prayer, ordinarily adding up to between three to five hours.

Secondly, there are times for reflection following each period of formal prayer; the retreatant reflects on what was going on in the prayer (what was God like? What was I feeling: what is God saying to me? etc., etc.)

Thirdly, there need to be periods of relaxation and rest, for very little is attained in an atmosphere of strain and weariness.  These periods of relaxation are intended to provide a helpful change of pace; still, care needs to be taken, by continuing to observe the retreat silence, not to lose the taste and desire for prayer.

A quiet, peaceful and prayerful atmosphere is essential so that each may hopefully find their own daily rhythm of prayer, reflection and relaxation in an atmosphere of peace and calm.  It is in a climate of silence and simplicity that one can best be alone with God and experience the gentle promptings of the Holy Spirit.

In addition to the desire to pray, the directed retreatant must have a capacity and willingness to be open with the director in expressing and sharing what is going on during prayer.  This, of course, can be difficult, particularly if this constitutes a new experience for a person, since one’s prayer is a very personal thing.

The director has no preconceived goals or expectations regarding the retreatant’s prayer. For those seeking to find God in prayer and to dispose themselves as well as possible for God’s self-communication, there are no preconceived norms of success or failure.  The retreatant simply seeks to be open to the Lord.

Meeting individually with their directors, retreatants look comtemplatively at the movement of their spirit in their prayer and reflection.  These meetings ordinarily take place daily.  The Liturgy of the Eucharist is the only scheduled communal gathering during these retreats.

     The purpose is basically to jump-start my sluggish prayer life. I hope it works. This is the first such retreat I've ever been on, so it's a little bit scary. What if God tells me something I don't want to hear? But there's also the hope of deepening my relationship with him, which is what prayer is about. So I'm also hopeful.

     Anyway, I'll be away for a few days. And along with everything else I'll certainly pray for all of you and everybody else I've met over the internet.

     See you soon. Hang in there. And don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Breakthrough

I was beginning to write a comment on a post from Giraffe Pen when I couldn't stand it and got up from the computer and, after a few moments of near desperation, started to pray.

Last fall I began to see a spiritual director* once a month. He has made some good suggestions, and I've largely failed to put them into practice. I've made sporadic attempts to spend some time each day meditating on a scripture passage. Last month, he told me that he thought that I ought to begin practicing some other form of prayer of my own choosing. My next visit with him is next Tuesday, and I had done nothing to follow through on that recommendation. What a complete failure! How could I face him?

After the moment of panic I decided to pray, and ultimately I decided to ask God to show me where he had been in my life in the past 24 hours. I became aware of a number of ways in which good things had happened, things which were hardly miraculous seeming, but still not part of everyday routine. Then I asked how God had let me be his instrument during that time. Again I became aware of situations in which in some small way I had done good to someone else. And then I asked when I had an opportunity to do God's work and had failed/refused to do so. None came to mind apart from my failure to pray this morning and meditate on the scripture.

This should work, if only I can sustain it. Those of you who are practicing Christians are probably saying, "Well, doh! That's just an examination of conscience." And you're right. And I should have been doing it for years. But better late than never. Now what I need is to figure out when I can do it on a daily basis. The time I select for weekdays probably won't work for Saturdays and Sundays, when the daily routine is very different. But if I can set aside some time every day and keep up with it, I think it will represent real progress. If you pray, please say a prayer for me about this.

* A spiritual director is someone who advises another on a regular basis about that person's spiritual life. This covers prayer, the place of God in one's life, how one's whole life relates to God, how one can draw closer to God and become more aware of God and God's will for one.

For a number of years I had the feeling that my spiritual life had stagnated, and I wanted to "jump start" it. I hoped that a spiritual director would help me get closer to God and thus have a more worthwhile life.

Lent (Edited)

The ancient Christian writers saw three elements as prominent in Lent: prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. These are the three things which Jesus mentions in Matthew 6: 1-6, 16-18. He says we should not do them to gain favor, but if we do them quietly, the father will reward us

Of course these should be part of a Christian's life all year, not just in Lent. Here the idea is to do them more intensively during Lent.

The writers say that even more important than fasting from food is fasting from sin. But beyond that, the specifics of the fast one undertakes can vary. Here is where the familiar idea of "giving up" something for Lent comes from. We can fast from food in general, or from particular kinds of food or from eating at certain times (such as between meals). We can also fast from activities we enjoy.

One value of something like that is the practice it gives us in self- discipline. If we can subject our desires to our will, even with regard to innocent activities, then we should find it a little easier to refrain from wrongful things as well. Another value is that whatever money we save can then become part of our almsgiving.

I wish all who observe a good season. May you arrive at Easter with nothing hindering your spirit from a joyous celebration of of the Resurrection.

I was very sleepy last evening as I wrote this and this morning I saw that there was a spot that was nonsensical. I've corrected it to say what I meant.

Why Go to Church (or Mosque, or Shul)

Last week I noticed a leaflet at church titled "Why do we 'have to' go to Mass?" Most of the reasons given can also apply to other weekly worship services, although some of them apply just to people in churches which have Eucharist in which the bread and wine become the Body and Blood of Christ. Anyhow, I thought I'd share. I'll quote the  one-line reasons and then add my own comments in place of the leaflet's explanation.

1. God asks us to make one day holy. It's good to step back from our everyday busyness and remind ourselves that God is in charge.

2. Jesus gives us the gift of himself. In churches where the sacrament is the Body and Blood of the Lord, this is what he commanded us to do in memory of him, and it is the greatest gift imaginable.

3. We need to be part of a community. When we gather for worship we are satisfying our need to be in communion with other people. We realize that we are not alone.

4. God has a special message for us. We hear the scriptures and the preaching. Through them God can inspire us and impact our lives. The same words can have different meanings for different people.

5. We need to talk to God. We talk to God when we sing the hymns, when we recite the prayers, when we join our hearts to the prayers others say, and when we speak to him from the depths of our hearts.

6. People need our prayers. When we pray for other people during the worship service, we are praying as members of a community, which joins us in our prayer. The whole community of believers (including those who are distant and those who have gone before) prays with us.

7. We need to stand up for what we believe. In an increasingly secularized world, we give witness to our faith by setting aside the time for worship and visibly joining with our fellow believers.

8. We need to acknowledge that we make mistakes. I'm not sure about other forms of worship, but at Mass we ask God to have mercy on us. We are admitting that we have done wrong and need his forgiveness — which he will not refuse.

9. We need ritual in our lives. The sameness of the worship format week after week can be comforting and reassuring. It shows us that there is some stability in our lives. It allows the meaning of the worship to penetrate our souls at the same time it lets the changing elements such as the readings to stand out.

10. We need to experience something bigger than ourselves. At worship we are offering our lives to God. We are encouraged to live our faith in our daily lives. We can be helped to see meaning and purpose in our lives as they are part of God's will for the world.

We Christians believe that we that it is in and through Jesus that we receive these benefits as God's gift to us. We Catholics believe that this happens because the Mass makes Jesus' saving death and resurrection sacramentally present to us so that we participate in them as members of his body.

Epiphany — The Gifts of the Magi

Yesterday* the Catholic Church (in the U.S., anyway) celebrated the Feast of the Epiphany, commemorating the visit of the Magi to the infant Jesus. The idea is that they were the first Gentiles to recognize him as Lord, so this was the beginning of his becoming known to the world.

At Mass, the homily referred to the gifts of the Magi to Jesus. Those who are familiar with the story (Matthew 2:1-12) will recall that when they saw Jesus, they gave gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. One explanation of these gifts is that they acknowledge who Jesus is. Gold signifies a king — the new and everlasting King of the Jews, the Messiah. Frankincense is offered because he is God. Myrrh is for burials and signifies that he will give his life for the salvation of the world. This interpretation is behind the hymn "We Three Kings."

But the homilist also referred to an interpretation by Pope St. Gregory the Great (died in 604). He suggests that the gifts represent what we have to offer to Jesus. Gold represents wisdom, frankincense, prayer, and myrrh, self-denial. The homilist said that we should strive to make these offerings the best we can.

He said that the greatest wisdom is that of faith, by which we receive salvation. We should strive to deepen and strengthen our faith by reading the Bible and other literature which tells us of God and the meaning of our beliefs.

He said that our highest prayer is the Mass, and we should try to be attentive so that we hear what God is telling us in the scripture passages which are proclaimed and so that we make the prayers that are offered truly our own. Beyond that, in our daily prayer at home, we should be sure that the words we say are said from our heart, and we should give God a chance to speak to us in the depth of our hearts.

The most important self-denial is to refrain from sin. Maybe we have allowed habits of petty sin to take hold in out lives — greed, envy, gossip, unkindness, lack of caring for others. We should pray for the grace to overcome such things. And then, more positively, we should live the lives of holiness to which we are called by acting in ways which make our families, schools, workplaces, communities, country, and world more the way God wants them to be. That way, we serve as the light to the world that God wants us to be (Isaiah 60:3).

I thought it was worth sharing.

*In the traditional calendar, January 5 was the twelfth day of Christmas, and the night of the 5th-6th was twelfth night. Then January 6 was the Epiphany, sometimes called Little Christmas. But the Catholic bishops of the U.S. thought it was an important enough celebration to be moved to a Sunday so more people would participate and learn from it. So now it is celebrated on the Sunday after January 1, which can be January 2 - 8, depending on what day of the week New Year's Day falls on.

O Emmanuel — December 23

O Emmanuel, Rex et legifer noster, exspectatio gentium, et Salvator earum: veni ad salvandum nos, Domine, Deus noster.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zt9W9Kc_hzo&feature=channel

O Emmanuel, king and lawgiver, desire of the nations, Savior of all people, come and set us free, Lord our God. — translation in current Catholic Liturgy of the Hours

O come, O come, Emmanuel / And ransom captive Israel / That mourns in lonely exile here / Until the Son of God appear. — Verse translation in "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel"

O Emmanuel — Isaiah 7:14, Matthew 1:23

Rex et legifer noster — our king and lawgiver — Isaiah 33:22, 43:15

exspectatio gentium — the one awaited by the nations (gentiles) — Isaiah 41:1, 42:4

Salvator earum — their savior — Zechariah 9:9 Isaiah 12:2, 49:6, John 4:42

O King of the Nations — December 22

O Rex gentium, et desideratus earum, lapisque angularis, qui facis utraque unum: veni et salva hominem, quem de limo formasti.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd3QaB4fimM&feature=channel

O King of all the nations, the only joy of every human heart; O Keystone of the mighty arch of man: come and save the creature you fashioned from the dust. — translation in current Catholic Liturgy of the Hours

O come, desire of nations, bind / In one the hearts of all mankind; / Bid thou our sad divisions cease, / And be thyself our king of peace. — Verse translation in "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel"

O Rex Gentium — O King of the nations (or gentiles) — Psalm 2:6-8, Jeremiah 10:7, Daniel 7:14, Revelation 15:3

desideratus earum — their desired — Haggai 2:8 (in the King James translation), Malachi 3:1

lapisque angularis — and cornerstone — Ephesians 2:20, Isaiah 28:16

qui facis utraque unum — who makes both [into] one — Ephesians 2:14

O Radiant Dawn — December 21

O Oriens, splendor lucis æternæ, et sol iustitiæ: veni et illumina sedentes in tenebris, et umbra mortis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY1b24eR9vA&feature=channel

O Radiant Dawn, splendor of eternal light, sun of justice: come, shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death. — translation in current Catholic Liturgy of the Hours

O come, thou dayspring from on high / And cheer us by thy drawing nigh; / Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, / And death's dark shadows put to flight. — Verse translation in "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel"

O Oriens … illumina sedentes in tenebris in tenebris et umbra mortis — Daybreak / Rising Sun… give light to those who live in darkness and the shadow of death — Luke 1:78-79, Psalm 107:10, Isaiah 9:1

splendor lucis æternæ — splendor of eternal light — Habakkuk 3:4, Wisdom 7:26, Hebrews 1:3

sol iustitiæ — sun of justice — Malachi 3:20