Retreat — December 2009

As mentioned a couple of months ago, I promised Dean Grey a report on my retreat. Maybe somebody else will find it interesting too, so here goes. We'll see how far I can get.

For background, you can see the two posts I made in December 2009 with the label "retreat." The earlier one has a description of the retreat from the retreat house's website.  The later has a few photos, which can illustrate what I'm talking about.

Arrival.  I got there about 5:30 p.m. on Tuesday, December 8. Dinner was at 6:00, and this was the last time we were allowed to speak among ourselves until the retreat was over. At my table of about 6 I was unusual for being on my first retreat there as well as for being a man. Overall, perhaps 1/4 to 1/4 of the retreatants were men. Several of the women were Episcopalian priests, several Catholic nuns, a couple of Catholic clergy, most laity. I found this out at our initial gathering at 7:30, where we all introduced ourselves and were introduced to and assigned to the directors. Mine was a nun named Barbara.

Daily routine.  Starting with the first night, I was in bed by 11:00. One evening I went to bed at 9:15, but usually it was between 10:30 and 11:00. This is quite a contrast to my usual bedtime of between 2:00 and 3:00 a.m., but with no internet to surf, it was easy to go early to bed. Of course, that had an effect on rising time as well. I generally got up between 5:00 and 6:00 — once at 7:10, and once at 4:30. Breakfast began at about 7:00 and I usually got there about then. I had a 50 minute meeting with my director, Sr. Barbara, at 10:30. Lunch was at noon, and the chore I signed up for was to wipe the tables afterwards. Daily Mass was at 5:00 and dinner at 6:00. Meals were buffet style, so one could straggle in; and fruit, cookies, coffee, tea, milk, and water were always available.

Since prayer/meditation was the principal focus of the retreat, I had brought some materials to aid in prayer — a book called Liturgy of the Hours, which has "official" prayer services for morning, evening, midday, and bedtime; a couple of little booklets with thoughts based on the scriptures to be read at Mass for each day of Advent, which was the church season we were in; and a Bible.

Usually after breakfast I'd do the morning prayer service and spend some time with one of the little advent booklets. I'd also sped some time reading and reflecting on a passage in the Bible and write down some thoughts about it. Finally, I'd review the previous day to prepare to meet my director.

My first meeting with my director was a get-acquainted session. I told her that I was hoping for a deeper prayer life, that I'm homosexually oriented, and gave her some of my personal history. She had suggestions, notably to begin reading the Gospel of Mark, focusing on Jesus — what does he do, say, find important, feel, notice — as a way of getting to know him better. She also suggested I pray for the grace to know, love, and follow him.

I'd spend several periods each day reading some verses, maybe 20 altogether, and writing what I found in them. I'd also spend several periods in the chapel or strolling around the grounds or sitting in my room telling God what was on my mind and seeing if there seemed to be an answer. I'd share what seemed most important with Sr. Barbara at our next meeting. We'd discuss issues that had come up, insights I had, etc., and she'd suggest other topics I might consider.

Between the times of prayer, direction, and meals, there was relaxation. I had brought a book of sudoku puzzles, and one of ken-ken, and I'd work a few puzzles each morning and afternoon. I also had Andrew Marin's book Love is an Orientation, and I read a good deal of that. In the evenings I'd also spend a fair amount of time in the fireplace room, just enjoying the fire and reflecting on/praying about the scriptures I'd read and the questions I'd been considering.

Well, this has mostly been generalities. In my next post, I'll try to give some specifics of things I came up with/got out of it as I went along.