No. 500 (Published)

As the title indicates, this is my 500th published post on this blog. As the parenthesis acknowledges, there are draft posts that I've never published and haven't reviewed in some time — 15 of them in all. I joined Blogger in September 2008, although I may have been commenting on some people's blogs even before that. My first post was on October 31, 2008. I think it was the one about the boys who took more than their fair share of the Halloween candy I had put on the front stoop (label, mischievous boys). So I've averaged a post every 3.7 days, slightly under two per week. But I've slacked off recently: my 400th was way back on May 28, 2012, which means that it has taken me 546 days to post the last 100 — a rate of about one every 5.5 days.

I blame Twitter for the slowdown. I "blame" Martin for getting me on Twitter. When I was visiting him in Germany in the summer of 2012, he mentioned that lots of acquaintances from blogging were now regularly on Twitter. So I signed up and found it as he said. So I spend a lot of time there, following folks I met on blogger, and others I met there.

Over the years I've become acquainted with a lot of bloggers, and I've really cared about a lot of them. Many have stopped blogging, and while some are now on Twitter, others have disappeared altogether from my sight. It would be nice to know how they are doing. But I'm glad to be in touch with all who are still around in one way or another.

Although I'm grateful for those who keep in contact via Twitter, I really prefer blogging. It permits full presentation of major events and in depth discussions of issues. Twitter is to Blogger as the 30 second soundbite is to a reasoned presentation of someone's idea. Many people manage to tweet about something significant, but then I usually find myself wishing for more detail.

So I plan to stay with Blogger (as well as Twitter), and I thank you for doing me the courtesy and honor of reading my posts (even if you're one of those who needs me to alert you on Twitter). And, as always, I'd welcome comments on anything.

My blog is primarily directed to gay people. Although I started it with the hope of presenting the Catholic viewpoint on questions relating to homosexuality, the blog seems to have evolved into something principally about the life of one celibate gay man. I hope that as it's now going, it's at least making it clear that being single is not necessarily the worst thing in the world. I also hope that I've come to be more patient with people, and a bit less argumentative when I disagree. Maybe I've learned that even a valid (as I see it) argument won't always persuade people, even if it's worth a try.

Well, anyway, it's been a good first five years on Blogger. Thanks for reading, and blessings and best wishes to all I've encountered here (and all the "lurkers") over the years.

I thought I'd take this occasion to recommend a couple of blogs I've recently noticed, but this post is long enough, so that will have to wait for the first post of my second 500.

Books

Recently, I had an exchange of e-mails with a high school classmate about an article he forwarded in which the author praised the marines who were videoed urinating on corpses of the Taliban. Eventually he recommended a book titled What It's Like to Go to War, by Karl Marlantes, who had served in combat in Viet Nam as a second lieutenant. The same author previously wrote Matterhorn, a novel based on his experiences in the war. I decided to buy them and went yesterday to my local independent bookstore, which had a copy of Matterhorn. I've read one chapter so far, and I think it will be interesting and worthwhile reading. They had to order What It's Like to Go to War for me.

I also wanted to get a copy of Brideshead Revisited, by Evelyn Waugh. A couple of German bloggers I follow (Morgenländer and MartininBroda) have begun, along with some others, reading it as a sort of on line book club (Leserunde is what they call it in German), and this has given me the incentive to read it along with them. The bookstore didn't have it in stock either, so they ordered it for me. Both books are expected to arrive on Friday. BTW, both Morgeländer and Martin understand and write English very well, so if you'd like to join the conversation on Fridays, although I don't speak for them, I'm sure they'd be happy to have your thoughts.

There are one or two other books that I've heard about recently that I'd also like to read. Unfortunately, I can't remember what they are or exactly where I heard about them. I think one might have been about about homosexuality and Christianity. Anyway, I'll try to do a bit more checking of other blogs. If anybody reading this recommended a book within the past month, please remind me — that could be one I want.

Where will I find time for all this reading?

Another Pleasant Evening ~or~ They Won't Let Me Come Out

In my previous post, I mentioned that I was going to have dinner with a couple of college classmates (former Bananas) and their respective wives. We spent a pleasant three hours plus at a restaurant in the town where my grandfather lived when I was a pre-teenager. The guy who I met for lunch ("Dan") a couple of months ago is the one who arranged this get together, and he chose the location because it would be convenient for the other couple. It's about an hour's drive from my home, and he was surprised to learn that I knew my way to the town, since we had come there frequently when my grandfather lived there.

Anyway, it was a nice restaurant and we talked a lot about families (the second guy's ("John") "immediate family" — children, spouses, grandchildren — numbers about 24), classmates, and our doings. John's wfe's brother is a missionary priest, and there was a lot to tell about that. John and his wife spend three months a year in Florida. Dan is slowly retiring from work as a public defender. Dan and his wife had considered going the the one-man "Moby Dick" I had attended, and I told them it it was quite good, and "Angel Reapers" — a play with dancing or a dance performance with words, about the Shakers — was good too. Unfortunately, it didn't occur to me to mention that I had been very moved by "The Laramie Project" a year earlier. Dan got me to tell about my trip to Ireland last year, including the accidents. At one point someone asked if anything else interesting happened, and I was debating whether to tell about the lad in Claremorris who admired my hat and wanted it and said he'd suck me off for it. It might somehow broach the topic of homosexuality, but it was questionable for mixed company. I hesitated too long, and someone began another topic. At another point, I was ready to start talking about my blog, but as I drew a breath someone had something else to talk about.

So, it felt almost as if they were — unconsciously — preventing me from steering the conversation toward the topic of my orientation. Even at one point, John said something that might have led to talking about homosexuality, but it didn't go that way. Maybe God doesn't want me to tell them. LOL Well, Dan picked up the check, so now I've got to invite them to dinner (and John owes us, too — or at least he owes Dan). So there should be another chance before too many years go by.

Twenty years ago, probably ten years ago, I never would have considered coming out to them. But now I feel safe about it (but not safe enough to avoid the momentary hesitations which let the occasions pass) and somehow I want them to know, for it to be not just something they can figure out for themselves but an acknowledged fact. I think seeing how attitudes in society have changed has helped change my feelings about it as has my experience in blogging — both reading what others say and writing openly about myself. I'm not afraid that they will reject me.

But out or not, this is an example of the sort of friendly interaction a celibate gay guy can have. And it may well be that if I had not been so shy, I could have enjoyed a lot more interaction with these people over the years, but I allowed our get togethers to become very sporadic. So my advice is that shy guys cultivate friendships, especially with straight people. It can be relaxing to be in a situation where there is no sexual undercurrent; and for someone who is celibate it's good to have some real friends.

Epilogue: As we were leaving the restaurant, I tried to tell Dan quietly about the lad in Claremorris and his offer for my hat, but John's wife was close enough to hear and was paying attention. So when John asked what the story was, Dan said his wife could tell him.

Trying to Come Out

Today I had lunch with a college (uni, to you non-Americans) classmate, one of the Bananas. I hadn't seen him for about three years.

He asked about what I've been doing, so I eventually mentioned spending time on the internet. Giving additional info, I explained that several years ago I followed a series of links and found myself among a group of mostly young, mostly Asian-American, mostly southern Californian gay guys, and I started commenting on their blogs. Eventually I decided to start my own blog where I could present my ideas in a more systematic way. Owing to my procrastination, the presentation has been sporadic at best. And at that point he moved on to another topic.

I suppose I can metaphorically see the figurative glass as half full. I broached the subject of gay guys, and he didn't react with disgust, along the lines of "Why would you want to be in contact with them?!!!" But I was hoping that he would have followed up a little bit and allowed the conversation to get to the point where I'd have been able to confirm what I think he must have suspected. Why must he have suspected? There was a time when we were in college when a bunch of us were going somewhere in a car, and he reached over and stroked my cheek up and down with the back of his fingers while remarking how smooth my skin was. I didn't move because I was pleased at the contact. He then suggested that I might be gay since I let him do that without protest. I said that I was too surprised to react and pointed out that he was the one who did something. End of conversation. But I wondered if he had suspected and had been testing me. Now I also wonder why he would have done it. Did he have conscious or unconscious feelings for me and this was a clumsy way of "testing the water?" Well, nothing ever came of it, but I also find it interesting that he only married his girlfriend of many years when they were in their fifties. So it turns out it's more than just that I'd like to be out to him, but I also want it to be safe for him to come out to me if he's also homosexual.

I might add that, as those who have been around for a while know, things are always changing in the blogosphere. Some of that original group that I found are still blogging and some have stopped. But meanwhile I've met a lot of other bloggers from all over, and I'm glad to know most of them. The underlying purpose of the blog has stayed the same, but the tone may have changed as I also use it as a way of keeping in contact with some very nice people and of trying to encourage some people who are going through rough patches.