"You Should Be [Fornicating]," Says Advice Columnist

I've noted before that society seems to be saying to young people, "We want you to have sex as much as you can." Even so, I was shocked when I read this in the June 6, 2017, Boston Globe "Love Letters" column: "Move on — as soon as possible. You are doing all of the work, and I'm not sure what you're getting in return. There's no great friendship. There are no great sleepovers." This piece of advice was given to a woman who is "new to college" and has met a man in his 20's.

If you read the column, the problem the young woman has is that he doesn't initiate text conversations, or even respond promptly to her texts. Apparently, they've been meeting in person, bot it's not enough for her. This is certainly a problem of our time. People have been conditioned to expect instantaneous communication with acquaintances whenever they want. They can't stand having to wait. This is certainly unfortunate. Similarly, there seems to be an all-or-nothing mentality. Neither the young woman nor the columnist seems to have any idea that friendships and courtships can take time to develop.

But to my mind the worst thing  is the expectation that the columnist implies: you've got to have a great friendship or great sleepovers, pronto, or you write someone out of your life. Perhaps it's best to have both, but great friendships without sleepovers are fine, and great sleepovers without friendship are fine. The attitude is not unique to her, of course. It seems, rather, to be typical of our time. Sex does not require marriage. Yet there often seems to be an unspoken expectation of temporary exclusivity until the couple breaks up, as they feel free to do at any time. "He cheated on me," is an often seen complaint; and cheating isn't even just having sex with another. A date can be cheating.

This world of noncommittal commitments leads to much heartache, but so have all the courtship mores of earlier times. The real problem now is that extra-marital sex — which has always gone on — is no longer considered taboo. Instead, it is recommended. Extra-marital sex isn't frowned on, but the lack of it is undesirable in the eyes of our culture. If the man being written about would have sleepovers which she enjoyed, that would be enough. "Who could ask for anything more?"

Prostitution, Promiscuity, and Pornography

Readers of this blog will know that I have been slowly going through a 185 page book titled Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body in Simplified Language. Recently, inspired by Gabriel Blanchard, (on Twitter he uses the screen name snarkangel and the address @MudblodCatholic) I have started reading the original book (in which the text runs to 553 pages). This morning, I came across a section which made the point about what's wrong with prostitution, promiscuity, and pornography clear to me.

     Analyzing the accounts of creation in the book of Genesis, Pope John Paul II sees creation as a gift of God to humanity. The culmination of that gift is Adam and Eve as gifts to each other, not only as God's gift to each, but then as their gift to each other.

     It says that man is created in the image and likeness of God, and this applies both to body and spirit. Within the Trinity, there is total love and mutual self-giving. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit belong completely to one another in love. Our bodies enable us the give a physical image of the spiritual reality that is God. We are created male and female: sexual. We recognize our bodies as the means of expressing the total gift of self and the total receiving of the gift which we are called to as the image of God. "It is not good for the man to be alone." He needs someone to give himself to in love. Just as God's self-giving is loving and irrevocable, so should ours be.

     Our sexual bodies are made to show the mutual self-giving in love that images God. In other words, sex is created to be an expression of the complete self-giving of each party to the other in love.

     But that is what is lacking in prostitution, promiscuity, and pornography. Instead of giving oneself to the other, those who engage in these things use the other person for their own purposes. There is no loving commitment to the other. The prostitute does it for the money, the customer for the physical pleasure. The pornstars do it for the money and possibly for the physical pleasure, the viewers watch for the pleasure. The promiscuous are only seeking the physical pleasure, without love or commitment. So they all falsify the image and likeness of God which their sexuality is supposed to show. If they have any feeling toward the other(s) involved, it is lust, not love.

     Contemporary culture seems widely to regard sex as merely something one can enjoy. There is no idea, in many quarters, that it should be meaningful. So the slogan is that as long as nobody is hurt and it's consensual on both sides, it's okay. But a Christian needs to view it within the context of creation, as an important part of God's plan which exists for a purpose — to enable us to be like God.