Breakthrough

I was beginning to write a comment on a post from Giraffe Pen when I couldn't stand it and got up from the computer and, after a few moments of near desperation, started to pray.

Last fall I began to see a spiritual director* once a month. He has made some good suggestions, and I've largely failed to put them into practice. I've made sporadic attempts to spend some time each day meditating on a scripture passage. Last month, he told me that he thought that I ought to begin practicing some other form of prayer of my own choosing. My next visit with him is next Tuesday, and I had done nothing to follow through on that recommendation. What a complete failure! How could I face him?

After the moment of panic I decided to pray, and ultimately I decided to ask God to show me where he had been in my life in the past 24 hours. I became aware of a number of ways in which good things had happened, things which were hardly miraculous seeming, but still not part of everyday routine. Then I asked how God had let me be his instrument during that time. Again I became aware of situations in which in some small way I had done good to someone else. And then I asked when I had an opportunity to do God's work and had failed/refused to do so. None came to mind apart from my failure to pray this morning and meditate on the scripture.

This should work, if only I can sustain it. Those of you who are practicing Christians are probably saying, "Well, doh! That's just an examination of conscience." And you're right. And I should have been doing it for years. But better late than never. Now what I need is to figure out when I can do it on a daily basis. The time I select for weekdays probably won't work for Saturdays and Sundays, when the daily routine is very different. But if I can set aside some time every day and keep up with it, I think it will represent real progress. If you pray, please say a prayer for me about this.

* A spiritual director is someone who advises another on a regular basis about that person's spiritual life. This covers prayer, the place of God in one's life, how one's whole life relates to God, how one can draw closer to God and become more aware of God and God's will for one.

For a number of years I had the feeling that my spiritual life had stagnated, and I wanted to "jump start" it. I hoped that a spiritual director would help me get closer to God and thus have a more worthwhile life.