Nostalgia Revisited

Today, I went to a meeting in a town less than an hour's drive from my home. It's a town I basically never thought about in the first two and a half decades of my life.

When I went to the monastery, about 45 years ago, one of my fellow pre-monks mentioned one of the college students, "Gerry," (soft "g") whom he characterized as a "happy-go-lucky kid," and I became slightly acquainted with him. I specifically recall being in a pick-up basketball game in which he was a participant. There must have been occasional other interactions, but I can't remember any specifically. Suffice it to say he knew who I was, and I knew who he was — not much more than that.

But I developed a real crush on him. I learned that he came from the town I hadn't ever thought about, and instantly I was  fascinated with it. After leaving the monastery, I occasionally found it near my route from one place to another, and I'd take the slight detour to actually drive through it. I had learned Gerry's home address from the college yearbook, and I found the street on a map, and a couple of times on my detours through the town, I actually drove down his street, past his boyhood home. By then, of course, he had graduated from college and was living somewhere else, but I still wanted to see the place. It was a fairly typical modest post WWII "cape" style house in a development of similar houses.

I don't think of him often, but when I have an occasion to visit that town, I usually remember him and drive past his street, as I did today.

After I left the monastery, I don't think I had any further contact with him, but there is still a nostalgia for him, for a friendship which I would have liked to have, but which never had a chance to develop. From the little bit I saw about him in alumni publications, I know he had a career not far from here, and there was never an indication that he had married or had children. I'd like to see him again, but I'd no more tell him of the crush I had than I would have 45 years ago. I hope we'll meet in heaven, where secrets will not be necessary.

The moral(s) of the story. You don't forget people toward whom you had a strong attraction. Even if the memories fade, they can be triggered and feelings can re-emerge.

Don't be too shy about trying to give relationships a chance to develop. As you know, I don't advocate sexual activity between people of the same sex, but I definitely do advocate friendship. Of course, you can't force someone to be your friend, but if you'd like it, you shouldn't let shyness, or fear of rejection, inhibit you. Take advantage of chances to be with people you like. Even create chances if you can. It's possible to be too pushy about it, of course; but my mistake was frequently being too cautious (except with Mike).