Making Friends; Reading Books

Making Friends.  One of my earliest friends in blogworld is Peter. Today he posted about his frustration with someone named Dillon, whom he met and liked online. It seems Dillon has been setting times for them to meet and then backing out. I've commented on that blog, but I'd like to share something I wrote, since I think it can apply to lots of folks, not just Peter.

I wrote, "Thinking some more about this, I wonder if you aren't more likely to find someone if you first meet irl. I mean, among the many people you encounter every day, someone comes along whom you enjoy being with and who enjoys being with you. That enjoyment can be almost instantaneous — what we call 'hitting it off' — or it can develop more slowly. But either way, that first encounter doesn't come with the built in question, 'Is this someone who could be right for me over the long term' which means that any relationship can develop over time with no pressure. It can be whatever it is at any point without even having to have a label put on it, and at least for some time you don't have to wonder or ask where it is going. It's much more relaxed and natural, IMO."

Of course, everybody's personality is different, and there may be some for whom meeting people on line and then getting together in person works just fine. But I've seen a number of people write about various difficulties in trying to get a personal relationship started through the internet. So I think if you let friendships grow from acquaintances, it's easier. Some may just become friendly acquaintances. Some may become true friends. And some may become intimate friends (whether or not you refrain from sex).

In some of my more recent posts which I've labeled "friend," I've written about three people in particular: Tim, a priest, and Zack. I think it's worth noting that Zack is the only one I met on line, and that was through blogging, not a "dating service." We got together with the help of a third blogger who wanted to meet gay bloggers irl and invited both of us to go to a baseball game with him. The priest and I met when he was assigned to my parish, and we took an instant liking to each other. Tim just sort of happened along one day, and we've gradually become comfortable with each other. Earlier friends, such as Mike, Stefan, and the Bananas, also happened through unplanned encounters. So my own experience, limited as it may be, is that more or less chance encounters can work.

Reading Books.  In my recent posts with the label "book," I've told of some of my recent reading. (I'm thinking of December 4, 2011 and later.) Now I've finished, The Book Thief and What It Is Like to Go to War. The former, although fiction, draws on the experiences of the author's parents during World War II to paint a vivid picture of the variety of characters who were living in Germany at the time. The author tells of genuine heroism and of glimpses of humanity in basically unlikable people, as well as the struggle just to keep going and the tragedies that could occur. The other book tells of the feelings that soldiers experience and gives suggestions for training them to process those feelings in a healthy way and for providing support both during and after combat.


I'm more than halfway through Brideshead Revisited. I wonder how different it would feel to a straight reader. Anyway, it's a very nostalgic book to me, even though I wasn't alive except maybe at the very end of the period it covers.


Just today, I learned of The Unintended Reformation: How a Religious Revolution Secularized Society, by Brad S. Gregory and promptly went to my local independent bookseller to order it (for 50% more than it would have cost on line — but I believe in supporting local businesses when possible and trying to slow down what I call "the chaining of America"). I won't try to summarize it. You can find a brief description, with additional links, at the publisher's web page on it, and here's the review that made me want this book. This book isn't for everybody, but if you're interested in the history of the interplay of ideas and culture, you might want to consider it.