Reflecting on Rothenburg

The main thing I think my experience with Stefan and the Junge Schar tells me is that it is possible for a closeted gay man to have satisfying friendships with straight guys. It's obvious that most of the people I've mentioned genuinely like me. If I lived there, I have no doubt I could be in a close friendship with some of them. Just knowing that they like me is very affirming.

On my most recent visit, most of my conversations didn't get beyond the stage of "It's great to see you. It's wonderful being back," and the like. It was only after I left that it occurred to me that I should have asked people something like, "What's been going on with you since the last time I saw you?" Then we'd have had better and longer conversations. But I never was a skilled conversationalist. Next time I'll know better.

Why haven't I made many close friendships at home, if I could make such a good start in Germany? Maybe I felt freer, less guarded, there somehow. It does seem to me that if I had handled things differently here, I could have developed some close and enduring friendships. But I spent so much time for so many years in local government that I didn't have much time for socializing. In addition, it took me a long to accept my orientation. For a long time, my natural shyness was exacerbated by my lack of self-acceptance. I felt safer in non-social settings.

I've never felt that I needed to be in a sexual relationship to be happy. I think my life so far has in fact been reasonably happy. I've had a generally satisfying career with plenty of friendly acquaintances; I've been involved in activities I've enjoyed. But I have been a loner, and if I had managed to develop a friendship with someone here like the one with Stefan, it would be even better. Of course, my life isn't over yet (as of the time I'm typing this) so maybe I can still make improvements.

Getting back to Rothenburg for a moment: their calendar of celebrations is really impressive. They have a festival of several days at Pentecost, then there's the Imperial Free City Days in September, another celebration in October, and a Christmas festival. It's a great place to be. Of course, I've only been there during these festival times, and if I lived there, the routine life would be something quite different from these peak moments. But I get the impression that the culture is still different from here. I think I could really enjoy being one of the regulars who meet at the pub.