In a comment on the article I linked in my previous post, someone who calls herself Kris writes:
If people who knew of my ssa felt sorry for me, or thought I was so breakable that I can't handle a word liek "disordered" used in the right context, and that I shouldn't be encouraged to not give up my call to purity of heart and holiness in which we are called to, then I would feel that achieving the kingdom of God doesn't apply to me. A great book about SSA and real love is Beyond Gay by Mark Morrison, especially the line when he says to his longtime partner "I love you, let's not do this anymore" and he was able to find true companionship with him. There does definitley need to be some more education such as Fort FAmilies does, but acceptance of a person does not necessarily equate with acceptance of an act-a person can be loved without having sex.
Testimonies such as the one from Mark Morrison are important because they show that for a person who has a basis for believing that homosexual activity is wrong, it is possible to refrain. And you don't have to be a life-long celibate like me. Even someone who has known the pleasure of sexual intercourse in a loving relationship can stop. What I am advocating is not impossible. Readers who find nothing immoral about homosexual activity will have no reason to stop, of course, but for those who see the moral problem, there is no need to feel that you are trapped in a pattern of conduct which you are unable to change.
The link I have provided to the organization Courage gives more testimony and support for anyone who wishes to remain or become celibate.
9 comments:
"Quitting", like a bad habit? Like, quitting smoking? Are you saying Aek is a bad habit? -.- I don't think he's going to like being likened to a pack of cigarettes.
You should write for the NCR.
For the record, I did not say that anyone is a bad habit.
I tried to come up with a catchy headline which would induce people to read the post.
What I tried to say in the post is that if someone who is engaging in homosexual activity comes to the conclusion that the activity is morally wrong, as Mark Morrison apparently did, then it is possible to stop.
The "bad habit," if you want to use that term — and it is yours, not mine — would not be the other person, but the sexual activity.
And in fact, far from suggesting that you should quit Aek like a pack of cigarettes, I was trying to suggest that you could keep Aek without the sex, if you wanted to and he was agreeable.
Lol, ok then. :] I don't think he's going to like the idea, though.
So one decides to give in to self hate and pretend it is a moral action. Hey presto happiness?
Mark —
I think the diagnosis of self-hate is too facile, and not really accurate.
I get the impression from the quote I gave, that Mark Morrison and his partner loved themselves and one another.
It seems to me that we can and should distinguish between our *selves* and our *actions*. If one comes to a conclusion that one's homosexual activity is wrong, one can, and does, disapprove of one's actions, but one doesn't have to, and shouldn't, hate oneself as a result.
There is always the danger that someone who finds himself engaged in activities he considers wrong will overreact and begin hating himself. That is not unique to moral judgments on homosexual activity. Beyond that, the denunciations of homosexual activity which were commonplace in past times often could lead to self-hatred and even despair because of their virulence.
But it seems to me that most churches — even those that regard homosexual activity as wrong — are more enlightened now, and do not regard a homosexual orientation as sinful or blameworthy. So if their teachings are correctly understood, they give no basis for self-hatred.
Thanks for commenting.
Mark, I think you are looking at it wrong. NG did a pretty good job explaining it. If you want to talk about hate, i think there would be an element of self-hate if somebody allowed himself or herself to do something they truly believed is wrong. I am sure you can agree with that notation.
naturgesetz,
Your reply is more gracious that mine would have been. I don't do too well with cliches like "self-hatred" and "living a lie" and "be true to your truth".
I will follow your calm example as I am sure this will come up on my blog comments sometime too.
T.A.G?! (I like the abbreviation. Never thought about it before!)
Thanks for the compliment. At times it is a struggle for me to resist going into what I call "debater mode," especially over the internet. Sometimes I fail and I get too heated. But if we can stay focused on explaining what we think "with gentleness and respect" we are more likely to have people actually listen, rather than just look for ways to prove we are wrong.
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